whenever I feel like whining (which is often)

I was talking on the phone with a neighbor last night, and I was trying to sound upbeat and cheerful, so I repeated one of my oft referred to affirmations:

For every good there is a better, for every bad there is a worse.

I feel sorry for myself. A lot. So I need those kind of pithy sayings to help me keep perspective, I need them to counteract all the times I am saying woe is me. Though I never intended to use my blog to express someone else's story, this really caught my attention today. Talk about perspective:


When John and Robin Kirton first married, they knew they wanted to have a large family -- but like many couples, they had no idea what they were in for. Today, the Kirtons are the parents of six children -- each of whom has been diagnosed with autism. Discovery Health presents an intimate view of life with multiple autistic children in AUTISM x6, an hour-long special premiering Wednesday, October 1, at 8 PM (ET/PT).

To say the Kirtons live modestly would be an understatement. The entire eight-member Kirton family resides in 1,100-square-foot house with a single bathroom located outside of Salt Lake City. Caring for the children's special needs requires round-the-clock supervision, making it impossible for either parent to have a permanent full-time job and causing financial resources to be scarce. Autism x6 takes viewers into the Kirtons' world and offers a view of John and Robin's daily struggle to maintain order in the midst of chaos, where the household can spin out of control the moment they turn their backs.

Considered to be a spectrum disorder, autism ranges from severe to mild -- and the Kirton children span the entire spectrum. Viewers will meet --

-- Mary, 3: Diagnosed with pervasive developmental disorder-not otherwise
specified (PDD-NOS) -- the least severe form of autism

-- Ammon, 4: Diagnosed with classic autism -- the most severe end of the
spectrum

-- Sarah, 6: Diagnosed with classic autism

-- Nephi, 9: Diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome -- a high-functioning form
of autism

-- Emma, 10: Diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome

-- Bobby, 14: Diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome


AUTISM x6 is the portrait of a resilient family coping with the struggles of each day by rolling with the punches and maintaining their sense of humor. The documentary also serves as a profile of the unconditional love that parents feel for their children.

"We did not choose to have autistic children, but they are here," said John. "We love them, and we want to do the best we can for them. That's the right thing to do."

Online at discoveryhealth.com, visitors can learn more about the Kirton family as well as access a variety of resources for more information on autism.


Holy crap. Did I mention that I feel lucky that my sons are at the high end of the spectrum? My husband and I have recently been discussing vasectomy, as not only do we not intend to have any more biological children, not only would pregnancy probably kill me, but because of an ethical dilemma: do we knowingly risk mixing up our genes again when we now know odds are good that we would produce yet another offspring with autism? This is an actual concern of mine, since one of the side effect of diabetes has been turning perimenopausal. Just LOADS of fun. But one of the many concerns of going through menopause is that I don't have a grip on when I'm likely to ovulate, which makes birth control tricky.

But even if I knew for sure it wouldn't kill me, nor damage my health any further, and someone (who could?) give me an absolute guarantee that I would have plenty of years left on this earth to see a newborn baby raised to adulthood, I just don't want to do it. I really wanted at least one girl, even if I never had any more children. And even though we had decided after the birth of son number one that we would never chance pregnancy again (HA! said god), I still longed to have a little girl. When surprise baby number two came along, I thought, maybe here is my chance in the midst of fear to at least have a girl. NOPE. Well at least both my boys are pretty.

Truthfully, if all the other conditions could be met, and someone (again, who?) could also guarantee that I was going to have a girl, I still wouldn't do it. Even though the risk of autism passing to a girl is much less than a boy, I just don't care. I love my kids to death but I would not subject another child to a diagnosis of autism even if the odds are small. I don't give a damn how politcally incorrect that makes me.

Now I realize it may sound like I'm judging the family above. NO WAY! Their children span 11 years, and the oldest three have asperger's. There's a very good chance that they didn't even know the oldest one's diagnosis before their youngest was born. I actually have no idea about this, I just heard of them for the first time tonight. I would imagine in many families there is probably a big incentive to keep trying to have children until you get a typical one anyway. I was just one of those weird people who never wanted biological children, at least not more than one, in the first place, because I wanted to adopt from the massive pool of children in this country (in the world for that matter) that didn't already have parents.

But not only do I not judge those people who had six kids with autism, I feel for them in a big way. I was just moaning to myself about the tiny size of my house, because whatever else my kids need, they definitely really need their own space, and we can't afford to give it to them. Dividing our house by five is so so hard, having to divide it by eight, I can't even fathom how they do it. For every bad there is a worse. I think I'll go count my blessings now.