As I sit here and sift through the multitude of mind numbing tv series marathons that are the gift of the labor day weekend, I can hardly believe that summer is almost over and school will be starting up again next week. Actually, it will only be starting for one out of three, since DD has graduated high school by the grace of god, but not in time to secure college funding for this fall. I am hoping to find some kind of certificate or adult school program to keep her occupied until we get both accommodations and funding for next semester. Truly, it's probably best that she concentrates on therapy now that she's about to re-enter a class room for the first time in seven years. My six year old has not yet been evaluated for the extent of his autism, so I will not even try to find a program for him. Safety is a major concern for any kind of on site program he might be suited for; he is definitely the wandering off type. So my firstborn 15 year old is now "entering" high school, and we have SOME good news on that front. I am going to save that for my next post.
Beyond my disbelief that summer is gone, I really look forward to the autumn. When I was growing up near Philly, it was always my favorite season, and that hasn't changed since we've moved back here. The weather is the nicest, a welcome relief from the humidity of July and August, and the leaves changing colors in the trees is a breathtaking display of beauty in these parts. Pumpkin patch season begins in September, and goes beyond Halloween. I LOVE Halloween, and I love pumpkin patches too, now more than ever. October is my favorite month out of the year, the least of which reasons is that it contains my birthday. But all the best free events for the kids seem to occur around that time, the libraries and art association and churches and commercial farms and the malls explode with kid friendly activities, most of which are inclusionary. I mean, out of the five million things to choose from, I can always find something for my asperger triplets (44, 15, and 6) as well as OCD girl. It sort of sounds like a super hero group, but anyway, the fun is everywhere.
Here is one of my old blogs from last year about how the new owners turned my grandmother's farm into a pumpkin patch; it is very aspie and kid friendly, and we will try to make it back every year:
START
Today my DH and I took the kids up to see my grandmother's farm. More appropriately, it was better known as my grandfather's farm, since he was the one who worked it back before he retired and rented out the farming acres. What my grandmother loved more than anything about the farm were the non-field acres, about thirty odd acres of woods. We are talking the kind of tree groupings that block out the sun. She actually had to weed them out every so often as they matured, and brought in a lumber company to do it. There were trails through those woods, and they were a source of delight to children, grandchildren and great grandchildren. The woods were great for berry picking, and target practice to those in the clan with hunting licenses. But more than anything, the woods were the perfect sanctuary to the birds that my grandmother loved almost as much as members of her family. We would walk back there in singles or groups, but someone almost always was carrying a pair of binoculars around their necks.
After my grandfather died in 1981, my grandmother continued to rent out the farming acres. But she wouldn't let anyone touch those trees. My grandfather had already sold off a few large portions of the original acres long before to fellow farmers until he and my grandmother were down to under ninety acres, and that's how it remained until her death in March 2005. Some of the sold off acres eventually made it into hands of real estate developers, and as a staunch pro agriculture advocate, my grandmother had many discussions over the years pertaining to how best preserve her remaining land as farm.
I was not privy to, nor did I ask, about how she finally accomplished this. I know if I asked one of my uncles, they could tell me about an arrangement she made with the government and in her will to encumber the land as a farm after her passing. But it seems like any government deals can change over time, and it was still with some sorrow that the estate was probated and the farm was sold to new owners.
Well if my grandmother was standing next to us today, I know that she would tell me that she couldn't be more pleased. Not only was the farm sold to a nearby farming family, they have turned it into a publicly accessible Pumpkin Patch and Christmas Tree Farm. 2006 was their debut year for the pumpkins, and since my sister was here from Los Angeles last year visiting in October, it seemed like the perfect tourist attraction. I have pix from that trip posted on Flickr, guess it's time to upload them here as well. God bless my sister who had her camera handy that day, we were using a new camera, and accidently erased all the pics we had from that day. I was crushed. But her photos were great and I will post them along with all the pix I took today.
They had even more attractions this time around. The weather was beautiful today (we are having summer in October, truly) as we pulled into the parking lot around 5 pm of Clark's Pick-Your-Own Pumpkin Patch. As we parked in the yard behind grandma's house, I saw my old tractor tire sand box propped up against a tree. This perked me up immensely, don't ask me why. The new residents of the house have been very busy, there were beautiful new windows and a sharp looking new roof.
We immediately got on the hay ride, D loves riding behind the tractors and he's been looking forward to it all year. The tractor pulled us down to the neighboring fields where they had not only a large field of pumpkins, but had also plowed out a three acre corn maze. DH and the kids took the video camera into the maze while I stayed behind and chatted with the young lady manning the booth. She told me she and her bf Joe Clark were the ones living at the house and doing all the rehab work. I think she was afraid that I would be offended at how they had to gut the house. I assured her that we were well aware of how much the house had deteriorated over the years as it became very taxing for my grandmother to undertake large repair projects in her most senior years.
I know my grandmother would be very pleased that not only was the farm transformed into a working agricultural concern, but they are tree planters! In addition to the pumpkins, the real business is fir trees. In fact, even though it is only the first week of October, the pumpkins are already in low supply. I hope Clark's is very popular for years to come, and that any locals reading this blog will get down there to show them some love. We plan to make this a yearly trip, or two, as long as we stay in Pennsylvania.
We will try hard to prepare our house to accommodate a real, normal size Christmas tree this year so we can go back and pick out our fir. Tree farmers! I couldn't ask for a more fitting legacy to my grandmother, the bird lover. And instead of knocking down the house and starting over, they are turning it into a livable home, which I was assured was going to be used as a primary residence for years to come. In addition to the young Joe Clark who drove the tractor pulling the wagon, we saw the Sr. Clark walking his dog around and driving his own tractor around the house and fields.
D wanted a tiny pumpkin, but T told me that this year he wanted to carve a jack o lantern. Well he picked out almost the largest pumpkin they had in the field, so I'm pretty sure he will be able to carve a face on two sides. He could hardly carry it onto the tractor wagon, and when we got back off at the main area, we needed a wagon to take it up to the scales.
The kids all had a great time, and DD and I got to indulge in a deep espisode of nostalgia as we are both previous residents of the farm at differing periods of time, as well as life long fans. I had a hard time leaving, but I really really enjoyed myself. How many people get such a gift?
END
Sadly, I have heard from my cousins that the remaining acreage around the farm was sold to mushroom farmers. Technically this meets the encumberances on the land as pertains to agricultural use, but anyone who is familiar with mushroom farming knows what challenges that may bring to continuing the pumpkin and christmas tree business. The odor of mushroom fertilizer is potent like no other smell I can think of; an extremely gaseous methane kind of scent that gives people headaches and offends worse than skunk. I'm not sure if the laying of mushroom fertilizer coicides with the harvest of pumpkins and fir trees, but if so, I have a feeling business will decline for the latter. As my cousin said "I wish they had sold the land to real estate developers instead."
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Thursday, August 28, 2008
socializing online when you can't leave the house
I suppose one of the reasons I started this blog was to reach out to others like me in similar situations, a universal desire, I'm certain. We all feel better in the company of others who can relate to whatever we've going through.
Ever since my mini stroke last year, I have made a concerted effort to get out of the house more, even though I feel less like doing it than ever before. But I was so determined to force my kids to socialize more even though the two oldest pushed against it. The truth is they need it, and they benefit from it, despite disabilities that make them fight having human contact, especially NEW human contact. The little one loves to get out and play with others, although he often wants to keep doing whatever he's doing in the moment, so he has also joined the protest movement against leaving the house. Once he's out though, he's usually happy about it.
Anyway, that is all about the kids. My dh hates leaving the house almost more than them. A grown aspie is harder to get into motion that the children, who at the very least will eventually capitulate rather than suffer my wrath. But the dh is practiced in the art of passive aggression; he will often say yes, and then sabotage our ability to actually do something with his behavior. But he needs socialization too, and occasionally I overcome inertia for the both of us, and out we go. Sporadic outings do not build long term relationships however, so he doesn't really have any friends in this fine city/state/region of the country. But everyone who knows him likes him, and my relatives are all very nice to him on the rare occasion that they see him. It's still not enough, but it's better than nothing. What I really want is for us to once and for all pick a church, and build a relationship with it as a family. Heck, I would even settle for all five of us choosing a different church each and rotating. You can still build relationships that way.
But I need something more for myself. My best friend is over an hours drive away, I'm lucky if I get to see her three times a year. We are both consumed with family drama that makes it difficult. Most of the rest of our good friends are in Los Angeles. The disability level in our household has really escalated since we've been here near Philly, which has made building new relationships very difficult. I try to keep in touch with some of our friends and family online, but it's been a struggle. But at least I have that option in this day and age. I've made some new friends online, and even met some of them in person.
We found a new church through web surfing a few years ago, and I was excited when I found out that there was an online community active in the church in addition to their relatively local physical building. As it turned out, other members of my family had a history with this church that I was completely unaware of, but it made me feel that my prayers to find the right church for us had been answered. I knew that it was likely that dd would have a hard time with any regular church attendance, and though some of the people there were absolutely outstanding as far as fellowship opportunities were concerned, sure enough, she eventually pulled back. Our attendance since 2005 has mostly consisted of participating in their yearly halloween alternative celebration, but I still like the congregation as a whole. I figured we could always participate in their online forums as well, but alas, the webmasters apparently have new responsibilities that have put maintaining the website a bare minumum priority.
Well I was pleasantly surprised this year to find out that several of my favorite people from the church have started blogs which have become my favorite new nightly reading time. I really enjoy this fellowship, though I'd love more of the in person variety. But I find as much entertainment value in blogs as I do with novels. Don't get me wrong, I still read voraciously from the local libraries, but now the spare hour or two I get to myself after everyone else is in bed is often devoted to blog reading. I also have found great comfort in several blogs of autism parents and some individuals with autism.
I was reminded recently by a friend whose wife has a rather high degree of physical disability that one needs to be creative with social pursuits and hobbies in those situations. They are both addicted to Warcraft, which is an online role playing game that is very popular though it bores me to tears. But his principle is correct; social outlets are so important that you take them however you can, and we are lucky to have such opportunities in our present circumstances.
Last year I began a love affair with myspace that started as a chance to share a bit of our lives here with family and friends far away, and expanded into something so much more. My enthusiasm waned a bit as site content is not monitored nearly as much as I would like when it comes to a program that I encourage my children to use; there is way too much almost-porn on the site for my comfort, but I still get a lot out of it, and I will quote one of my blog entries from myspace from last year:
START
MYSPACE IS FUN. And you get to hang with your peeps when it's convenient for you. Like in the middle of the night when a toddler wakes you, or insomnia gets you, or the freaking dog won't stop barking, or when you have ten hours of work to do while the kids are sleeping and out of your hair. Myspace helps those make those moments much more bearable. So I will still be here on myspace, representing myself a little more personally now, and sharing my minute details when I feel like it.
I've been searching for some friends and family on myspace to see if I can find some people that I miss being out of touch with ... myspace does make it a lot easier to hang out with people online, which is great when you are all the way across the country from most of them. I have to credit my sister in law Hazel for convincing me to give it a thorough test drive.
MOST of the people I added as friends are ones that I know very well, or at least used to. I have added a local musician that I love plus my favorite health food store and a couple people connected to that, but, for the most part, my friends have a very personal connection to me, and I LOVE it. It's been really great finding friends from freaking elementary school, junior high, high school and college. Also some friends from the post college, pre Philadelphia work era. Some of them I found by accident while I was searching for someone else. Very very cool. I have a desire to kind of reconnect with people lately since I turned forty last year, and sort of almost but not really died. Let's just call it a too close for comfort brush by death.
I have kind of been out of the loop since my second son was born, but he's five now and I'm starting to have a little bit of time to think about something else. Mostly that time comes late at night, but all the more reason to myspace. It does seem like a verb to me.
Plus some really great friends of ours moved away last summer, and I miss them so much. I've convinced at least one of them to give it a try. Honestly, myspace is a good chance to build better relationships with ones not only far away who are near and dear or even just on the edge, but also with people right in front of my face or close to it. Lets face it, with my husband's long work hours/ horrendous commute, three kids I'm home schooling, and a couple family members with agoraphobia, plus a definite diabetes fatigue, I just don't get out much. And that isn't likely to change anytime soon. We haven't been to church in over a year. I've been out of the visiting circuit for so long that people far away are coming to see US.
Two years ago, my precious grandmother E died, and her funeral was almost an impromtu family reunion. My maternal grandfather's family has had an annual reunion for ages up near Allentown that came to a halt a few years back when the organizers at that time wisely gave over to their retirement years. My grandmother's funeral was a fortunate event in that it gave some of my cousins who had been knocking around the idea of starting up the reunion again the final motivation they needed to push forward.
In June 2005, the E family reunion was reborn thanks to my cousins K and B who spearheaded the event, and so many other relatives that were eager to contribute to the glorious occasion. We were all so happy to see each other, and it really punctuated for me how much less socializing I have done with my family since moving near to so many of them. Total irony.
The saddest part is that DH and I have sacrificed being near our immediate families to live out here and raise the kids in what we consider to be a friendlier family environment, close to much extended family, and yet we don't make the effort to see them. My mother comes to see US. Almost every week in fact. And while that's great, sadly, that is five other of our children's grandparents in L.A. that they rarely see, who I haven't seen myself in over three years. If I'm 40, they certainly aren't getting younger either. My next big push is to convince the grandparents to open myspace accounts. But I'm loving finding other relatives here now.
This also coincides with what would be my 25th high school reunion next year, if someone from my high school bothers to get one together. I didn't go to the 5th, 10th or 20th, and I have a feeling I may have to wait until 30 comes around. 2008 will also be the 25th year since I matriculated as a freshman at UCLA, and though I met many great people through the 7 years it took me to get a 4 year degree (finally graduating ELSEWHERE), the ones I think about most are four great girls I met (three were dorm mates) that year and didn't keep in touch with past 1990, though I bumped into one at Costco in 1996. Nostalgic? I think so. So far I've found 2 of them here.
Reconnecting with people on myspace in all the categories above has been so awesome, many of them don't have direct accounts, but their kids do! Even if some of the content on the kids' pages just grosses me out. And there are a lot of skanky people on myspace. Lord knows my privacy settings are all very high, and they need to be. But the younger generation has rekindled my hope for building on our relationships and reconnecting with their parents. Hopefully, together, we will get them all hooked I know I'm hooked.
END
I'm still going strong with myspace, I have over a thousand pix loaded there. I've been using email for what seems like an eternity, though I guess it's only been fifteen years plus a little. I was trying to remember the first internet service I had to no avail. I'm also on goodreads since last December. And now I'm starting blogger instead of just reading other users all the time. So I guess I'm embracing the online social movement, even though compared with the average age I'm a dinosaur. Truly, I don't know how I'd live without it now.
God is good and god is great, and so I thank him for the internet.
Ever since my mini stroke last year, I have made a concerted effort to get out of the house more, even though I feel less like doing it than ever before. But I was so determined to force my kids to socialize more even though the two oldest pushed against it. The truth is they need it, and they benefit from it, despite disabilities that make them fight having human contact, especially NEW human contact. The little one loves to get out and play with others, although he often wants to keep doing whatever he's doing in the moment, so he has also joined the protest movement against leaving the house. Once he's out though, he's usually happy about it.
Anyway, that is all about the kids. My dh hates leaving the house almost more than them. A grown aspie is harder to get into motion that the children, who at the very least will eventually capitulate rather than suffer my wrath. But the dh is practiced in the art of passive aggression; he will often say yes, and then sabotage our ability to actually do something with his behavior. But he needs socialization too, and occasionally I overcome inertia for the both of us, and out we go. Sporadic outings do not build long term relationships however, so he doesn't really have any friends in this fine city/state/region of the country. But everyone who knows him likes him, and my relatives are all very nice to him on the rare occasion that they see him. It's still not enough, but it's better than nothing. What I really want is for us to once and for all pick a church, and build a relationship with it as a family. Heck, I would even settle for all five of us choosing a different church each and rotating. You can still build relationships that way.
But I need something more for myself. My best friend is over an hours drive away, I'm lucky if I get to see her three times a year. We are both consumed with family drama that makes it difficult. Most of the rest of our good friends are in Los Angeles. The disability level in our household has really escalated since we've been here near Philly, which has made building new relationships very difficult. I try to keep in touch with some of our friends and family online, but it's been a struggle. But at least I have that option in this day and age. I've made some new friends online, and even met some of them in person.
We found a new church through web surfing a few years ago, and I was excited when I found out that there was an online community active in the church in addition to their relatively local physical building. As it turned out, other members of my family had a history with this church that I was completely unaware of, but it made me feel that my prayers to find the right church for us had been answered. I knew that it was likely that dd would have a hard time with any regular church attendance, and though some of the people there were absolutely outstanding as far as fellowship opportunities were concerned, sure enough, she eventually pulled back. Our attendance since 2005 has mostly consisted of participating in their yearly halloween alternative celebration, but I still like the congregation as a whole. I figured we could always participate in their online forums as well, but alas, the webmasters apparently have new responsibilities that have put maintaining the website a bare minumum priority.
Well I was pleasantly surprised this year to find out that several of my favorite people from the church have started blogs which have become my favorite new nightly reading time. I really enjoy this fellowship, though I'd love more of the in person variety. But I find as much entertainment value in blogs as I do with novels. Don't get me wrong, I still read voraciously from the local libraries, but now the spare hour or two I get to myself after everyone else is in bed is often devoted to blog reading. I also have found great comfort in several blogs of autism parents and some individuals with autism.
I was reminded recently by a friend whose wife has a rather high degree of physical disability that one needs to be creative with social pursuits and hobbies in those situations. They are both addicted to Warcraft, which is an online role playing game that is very popular though it bores me to tears. But his principle is correct; social outlets are so important that you take them however you can, and we are lucky to have such opportunities in our present circumstances.
Last year I began a love affair with myspace that started as a chance to share a bit of our lives here with family and friends far away, and expanded into something so much more. My enthusiasm waned a bit as site content is not monitored nearly as much as I would like when it comes to a program that I encourage my children to use; there is way too much almost-porn on the site for my comfort, but I still get a lot out of it, and I will quote one of my blog entries from myspace from last year:
START
MYSPACE IS FUN. And you get to hang with your peeps when it's convenient for you. Like in the middle of the night when a toddler wakes you, or insomnia gets you, or the freaking dog won't stop barking, or when you have ten hours of work to do while the kids are sleeping and out of your hair. Myspace helps those make those moments much more bearable. So I will still be here on myspace, representing myself a little more personally now, and sharing my minute details when I feel like it.
I've been searching for some friends and family on myspace to see if I can find some people that I miss being out of touch with ... myspace does make it a lot easier to hang out with people online, which is great when you are all the way across the country from most of them. I have to credit my sister in law Hazel for convincing me to give it a thorough test drive.
MOST of the people I added as friends are ones that I know very well, or at least used to. I have added a local musician that I love plus my favorite health food store and a couple people connected to that, but, for the most part, my friends have a very personal connection to me, and I LOVE it. It's been really great finding friends from freaking elementary school, junior high, high school and college. Also some friends from the post college, pre Philadelphia work era. Some of them I found by accident while I was searching for someone else. Very very cool. I have a desire to kind of reconnect with people lately since I turned forty last year, and sort of almost but not really died. Let's just call it a too close for comfort brush by death.
I have kind of been out of the loop since my second son was born, but he's five now and I'm starting to have a little bit of time to think about something else. Mostly that time comes late at night, but all the more reason to myspace. It does seem like a verb to me.
Plus some really great friends of ours moved away last summer, and I miss them so much. I've convinced at least one of them to give it a try. Honestly, myspace is a good chance to build better relationships with ones not only far away who are near and dear or even just on the edge, but also with people right in front of my face or close to it. Lets face it, with my husband's long work hours/ horrendous commute, three kids I'm home schooling, and a couple family members with agoraphobia, plus a definite diabetes fatigue, I just don't get out much. And that isn't likely to change anytime soon. We haven't been to church in over a year. I've been out of the visiting circuit for so long that people far away are coming to see US.
Two years ago, my precious grandmother E died, and her funeral was almost an impromtu family reunion. My maternal grandfather's family has had an annual reunion for ages up near Allentown that came to a halt a few years back when the organizers at that time wisely gave over to their retirement years. My grandmother's funeral was a fortunate event in that it gave some of my cousins who had been knocking around the idea of starting up the reunion again the final motivation they needed to push forward.
In June 2005, the E family reunion was reborn thanks to my cousins K and B who spearheaded the event, and so many other relatives that were eager to contribute to the glorious occasion. We were all so happy to see each other, and it really punctuated for me how much less socializing I have done with my family since moving near to so many of them. Total irony.
The saddest part is that DH and I have sacrificed being near our immediate families to live out here and raise the kids in what we consider to be a friendlier family environment, close to much extended family, and yet we don't make the effort to see them. My mother comes to see US. Almost every week in fact. And while that's great, sadly, that is five other of our children's grandparents in L.A. that they rarely see, who I haven't seen myself in over three years. If I'm 40, they certainly aren't getting younger either. My next big push is to convince the grandparents to open myspace accounts. But I'm loving finding other relatives here now.
This also coincides with what would be my 25th high school reunion next year, if someone from my high school bothers to get one together. I didn't go to the 5th, 10th or 20th, and I have a feeling I may have to wait until 30 comes around. 2008 will also be the 25th year since I matriculated as a freshman at UCLA, and though I met many great people through the 7 years it took me to get a 4 year degree (finally graduating ELSEWHERE), the ones I think about most are four great girls I met (three were dorm mates) that year and didn't keep in touch with past 1990, though I bumped into one at Costco in 1996. Nostalgic? I think so. So far I've found 2 of them here.
Reconnecting with people on myspace in all the categories above has been so awesome, many of them don't have direct accounts, but their kids do! Even if some of the content on the kids' pages just grosses me out. And there are a lot of skanky people on myspace. Lord knows my privacy settings are all very high, and they need to be. But the younger generation has rekindled my hope for building on our relationships and reconnecting with their parents. Hopefully, together, we will get them all hooked I know I'm hooked.
END
I'm still going strong with myspace, I have over a thousand pix loaded there. I've been using email for what seems like an eternity, though I guess it's only been fifteen years plus a little. I was trying to remember the first internet service I had to no avail. I'm also on goodreads since last December. And now I'm starting blogger instead of just reading other users all the time. So I guess I'm embracing the online social movement, even though compared with the average age I'm a dinosaur. Truly, I don't know how I'd live without it now.
God is good and god is great, and so I thank him for the internet.
The toll it takes
I took T to a church group last week that divides the kids into age groups and genders. One thing I can't stand about the traditional public school model is the segregation by age that is so unnatural in the rest of life's venues, and I think, harmful. At the same time I think it's probably necessary for safety reasons in the public schools as there is so little supervision of the kids who often interact in negative ways with each other; if bullying is a problem in same age peer groups, how much worse would it be in a mixed age group? But I totally digress here. Even though I have found a church or two that supports home schooling, and my own most frequented church of choice has a youth group that mixes ages 12-18, if I want T to be able to pick some of his own social activities, those same age, same gender experiences are likely to be a benefit in some ways in an environment where the people in charge don't know him well.
T had a great time at the group, so at least I should be grateful for that. Ironically, when the group leader asked for prayer requests, T asked for them all to pray for his mother, because there is "only one of her, and four of us." I can't even imagine what the leader must have thought of a statement like that, but it cracked me up. But lord knows I appreciate the prayers, especially when I would have expected him to say something like "please pray for me, because I'm starting school again soon, and I hate it. Plus I'm looking for a good new school for someone with asperger's." Well that's certainly something I've been praying about a lot recently.
It's true I need my own prayers though, and I have to learn to ask for it. On more than one occasion in the not too distant past, some people have recommended that I join a caregiver's support group, and even my doctor made some not to subtle comments about how talking to a "counselor" might help with some of the stress that a person who lives with four people with disabilities might feel. Well I am not proud, if I had the money and the time, I love therapy. But the point that I need to take better care of myself especially under these circumstances is well taken. I think it's a mother's universal lament that they are so busy trying to fulfill the needs of all the other family members that they don't have time for themselves or otherwise always put themselves at the bottom of the list. And it's stupid. Because if I had taken better care of myself, I would be a better wife and mother right now.
It's been just over a year since my mini stroke, and I don't really feel like I've made that much progress. I have worked really hard, so it's fairly frustrating. Here's what I wrote on myspace last year around this time:
START:
I have been getting a lot of questions about how my health is going recently. Back in May, I had what some doctors referred to as a possible "mini-stroke" or "TIA." Don't really care what it was called, but it sure was scary. My blood pressure was off the charts, and I didn't realize it until it felt like my head exploded. Anyway, a couple of doctor visits and diagnostic tests later, it turned out that I had very high blood sugar and very high cholesterol to go along with the high blood pressure. I usually get a physical every year, and last year I skipped it. I am pretty particular about not skipping it usually because there is a lot of disease in my genes. But last year was very hard. In fact, the last six years have been a real challenge, and last year was just the icing on the cake of stress. So I had no business skipping my physical, busy or not, and I paid for it, and worse, my family has really paid for it.
The good news is I didn't die. And my heart is in actually pretty good shape. The bad news is that I have type 2 diabetes, but I am absolutely determined to get rid of it. I have radically changed my eating habits (goodbye my favorite cherry coke - sob, sob), and I have been meticulous about eating when I'm supposed to, measuring my sugar levels, and taking appropriate therapeutic measures. I am learning more everyday. And while I've been feeling pretty cruddy, things are definitely looking up.
After three months of treatment, my 30 day sugar average is 139, my 14 day average is 134, and my 7 day average is 131. So the numbers are not only almost normal (normal range is 80 - 120), but they are still going down. Soon I may need no insulin or drugs at all. I keep a close watch on my blood pressure, and I only have to take medication for that on an "as needed" basis, which is almost never. I am doing some gross things (anybody care for the taste of pure apple cider vinegar?) and I keep trying more things. I am eating a lot more fruits and vegetables, and a lot less carbohydrates, especially simple carbohydrates.
So all in all it's pretty good news. And in the not too distant future, I look forward to saying "I used to be a type two diabetic, but not anymore!"
END
Well, my optimism was unfortunately misplaced. Because an average of my morning fasting and post prandial (two hours after eating) blood sugars ranges widely from 130 up to 155. I need MORE insulin now, not less. And I have definite long term nerve damage that is probably irreversible and makes my sugars a lot more erratic. I am going through early menopause due to all of this, and my fibromyalgia has kicked into overdrive. My diet has such a low percentage of carbohydrates in it that I needed to start eating more protein (mostly animal products, something I was previously trying to cut back on). With the weird hormonal changes that the descent into menopause causes, I suddenly gained twenty pounds in two months last spring, which is still with me, but fortunately has not increased at least. I am horribly fatigued. And thanks to the nerve damage, I wake up almost everyday with horrid nausea and pretty much have constant stomach pain. I will keep working on it, but it's frustrating for progress to be so slow or non existent after such a hard struggle.
I have a lot to be grateful for, and my faith has only increased in the face of all of this. I do need to make time to work on myself more. It's so hard to consider putting the kid's needs on hold while I make time for myself. I still haven't had a physical since last year, even though I've seen doctors more this year than in my whole life. That's just foolish, and I know it. But I have such a hard time keeping up with the bare minimums that adding more doctor's visits into the mix seems impossible. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed (I have been before, so I know the difference) but it is certainly easy to get discouraged right now. But with baby steps, and maybe some more prayer, I keep going forward.
T had a great time at the group, so at least I should be grateful for that. Ironically, when the group leader asked for prayer requests, T asked for them all to pray for his mother, because there is "only one of her, and four of us." I can't even imagine what the leader must have thought of a statement like that, but it cracked me up. But lord knows I appreciate the prayers, especially when I would have expected him to say something like "please pray for me, because I'm starting school again soon, and I hate it. Plus I'm looking for a good new school for someone with asperger's." Well that's certainly something I've been praying about a lot recently.
It's true I need my own prayers though, and I have to learn to ask for it. On more than one occasion in the not too distant past, some people have recommended that I join a caregiver's support group, and even my doctor made some not to subtle comments about how talking to a "counselor" might help with some of the stress that a person who lives with four people with disabilities might feel. Well I am not proud, if I had the money and the time, I love therapy. But the point that I need to take better care of myself especially under these circumstances is well taken. I think it's a mother's universal lament that they are so busy trying to fulfill the needs of all the other family members that they don't have time for themselves or otherwise always put themselves at the bottom of the list. And it's stupid. Because if I had taken better care of myself, I would be a better wife and mother right now.
It's been just over a year since my mini stroke, and I don't really feel like I've made that much progress. I have worked really hard, so it's fairly frustrating. Here's what I wrote on myspace last year around this time:
START:
I have been getting a lot of questions about how my health is going recently. Back in May, I had what some doctors referred to as a possible "mini-stroke" or "TIA." Don't really care what it was called, but it sure was scary. My blood pressure was off the charts, and I didn't realize it until it felt like my head exploded. Anyway, a couple of doctor visits and diagnostic tests later, it turned out that I had very high blood sugar and very high cholesterol to go along with the high blood pressure. I usually get a physical every year, and last year I skipped it. I am pretty particular about not skipping it usually because there is a lot of disease in my genes. But last year was very hard. In fact, the last six years have been a real challenge, and last year was just the icing on the cake of stress. So I had no business skipping my physical, busy or not, and I paid for it, and worse, my family has really paid for it.
The good news is I didn't die. And my heart is in actually pretty good shape. The bad news is that I have type 2 diabetes, but I am absolutely determined to get rid of it. I have radically changed my eating habits (goodbye my favorite cherry coke - sob, sob), and I have been meticulous about eating when I'm supposed to, measuring my sugar levels, and taking appropriate therapeutic measures. I am learning more everyday. And while I've been feeling pretty cruddy, things are definitely looking up.
After three months of treatment, my 30 day sugar average is 139, my 14 day average is 134, and my 7 day average is 131. So the numbers are not only almost normal (normal range is 80 - 120), but they are still going down. Soon I may need no insulin or drugs at all. I keep a close watch on my blood pressure, and I only have to take medication for that on an "as needed" basis, which is almost never. I am doing some gross things (anybody care for the taste of pure apple cider vinegar?) and I keep trying more things. I am eating a lot more fruits and vegetables, and a lot less carbohydrates, especially simple carbohydrates.
So all in all it's pretty good news. And in the not too distant future, I look forward to saying "I used to be a type two diabetic, but not anymore!"
END
Well, my optimism was unfortunately misplaced. Because an average of my morning fasting and post prandial (two hours after eating) blood sugars ranges widely from 130 up to 155. I need MORE insulin now, not less. And I have definite long term nerve damage that is probably irreversible and makes my sugars a lot more erratic. I am going through early menopause due to all of this, and my fibromyalgia has kicked into overdrive. My diet has such a low percentage of carbohydrates in it that I needed to start eating more protein (mostly animal products, something I was previously trying to cut back on). With the weird hormonal changes that the descent into menopause causes, I suddenly gained twenty pounds in two months last spring, which is still with me, but fortunately has not increased at least. I am horribly fatigued. And thanks to the nerve damage, I wake up almost everyday with horrid nausea and pretty much have constant stomach pain. I will keep working on it, but it's frustrating for progress to be so slow or non existent after such a hard struggle.
I have a lot to be grateful for, and my faith has only increased in the face of all of this. I do need to make time to work on myself more. It's so hard to consider putting the kid's needs on hold while I make time for myself. I still haven't had a physical since last year, even though I've seen doctors more this year than in my whole life. That's just foolish, and I know it. But I have such a hard time keeping up with the bare minimums that adding more doctor's visits into the mix seems impossible. I wouldn't say that I'm depressed (I have been before, so I know the difference) but it is certainly easy to get discouraged right now. But with baby steps, and maybe some more prayer, I keep going forward.
Friday, August 22, 2008
The trouble with boys is that boys are always looking for trouble
Today I read the post of one of my favorite blogs that reminded me of one of the reasons I wanted girls so badly. Call me sexist, but as the mother of two boys (who are both mildly autistic), my fear is first for damage to their persons, and then for the damage to my property, and often both happen at the same time. When my husband once found our (at the time) three year old firstborn, T, on top of the refridgerator, the first words out of his mouth were "don't tell your mommy." I do feel like I spend so much time and energy keeping them from killing themselves. I think mothers without boys can rarely ever relate.
The self-injuries get old fast; I think of myself as a compassionate person generally speaking, but the guilt of one incident stands out very clearly in my mind when I felt I had been put through the wringer one too many times. My firstborn had yet again run into something hard while he was sprinting forward but looking behind him. I was so irritated as I was trying to get arms full of groceries through the door while juggling to get keys out of my purse and unlock our entry, I actually yelled at him. A few minutes later he was still holding his head while sitting on the couch, and I noticed blood trickling down his hand.
One of the challenges with autism is often an inability to communicate proportion or relativity (this nearly cost him his life a couple years ago, probably something akin to refusing to carry an epi pen). It looked like a small cut on his head to me, and I debated not calling his doctor (I was tired, outings with him were always a challenge). Naturally, the pediatrician wanted me to bring him in, and ten stitches later, I conceded that perhaps I should have been a little more sympathetic when he banged his head. I do everything I can to reduce the frequency of "boy induced" boo boos, but thank god for the blessing of being able to cover them in prayer everyday.
The self-injuries get old fast; I think of myself as a compassionate person generally speaking, but the guilt of one incident stands out very clearly in my mind when I felt I had been put through the wringer one too many times. My firstborn had yet again run into something hard while he was sprinting forward but looking behind him. I was so irritated as I was trying to get arms full of groceries through the door while juggling to get keys out of my purse and unlock our entry, I actually yelled at him. A few minutes later he was still holding his head while sitting on the couch, and I noticed blood trickling down his hand.
One of the challenges with autism is often an inability to communicate proportion or relativity (this nearly cost him his life a couple years ago, probably something akin to refusing to carry an epi pen). It looked like a small cut on his head to me, and I debated not calling his doctor (I was tired, outings with him were always a challenge). Naturally, the pediatrician wanted me to bring him in, and ten stitches later, I conceded that perhaps I should have been a little more sympathetic when he banged his head. I do everything I can to reduce the frequency of "boy induced" boo boos, but thank god for the blessing of being able to cover them in prayer everyday.
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
Talking to a friend
It's been awhile since I last talked to my friend Micah; he lives all the way in California. I called him for the first time in a long time, probably months. I grew up with him before I moved to Pennsylvania, he's an aspie like me. It's a miracle that we both met because I didn't think I would meet someone who was very much like me, now that I reflect on it. Back then all I was thinking was that I have a friend who has the same interests I do. We kinda still do now. We both like art, video games and really good movies. He likes action movies more, but I prefer horror thrillers usually.
I was happy to be able to talk to him again, it was good to hear from him. I rarely get to see my friends nowadays, most of them have moved away or I moved away from them.
Some of my friends just moved back here, close by, even though they aren't right next door anymore. I am really happy to see them. I will call them the R family, the mother, father, Amanda, Angel and Michael. Their whole family was friends with my whole family and I'm really glad they're back. Michael is friends with my little brother D and he is really happy that they're back. Amanda is a couple years older than me and Angel is a couple years younger, but they are two of the greatest friends I've ever had. So is Micah, but I don't get to see him anymore. But I consider them all my best friends.
So I'm starting to get back in touch with all my friends again. It's making me very happy. I was really sad when they were gone, the girls especially were the last good ones I had that lived close. Now that they are back, things are going great. I was pretty depressed having all my friends gone, but I'm especially appreciative that they are back.
It's kind of hard for me to make friends because I'm a little bit shy. My mom would not let me go out by myself, and I don't like to do it anyway because the world is not a safe place. I am probably more at risk than regular people because I don't know how to look out for myself. I don't know how to do things like normal people do. I think I'm abnormal a bit. With strangers, I tend to be very formal, I try to be a like an adult. But sometimes I feel like a little kid. I don't know the in between. I feel a little bit weird, but I usually feel happy about who I am. I think I just get depressed because I think there is a lot of grumpiness around me and I don't get to see my friends enough.
I would rather not go to school because I think it is a hell hole. You take a bunch of random people and coop them up in a building for seven hours and that is a set up for something bad to happen. Some schools are ok because they can be different from normal traditional public schools. Any one who has been at one of those regular schools or knows someone who is has heard of something bad happening at a school. A good school would be where the employees are nice and really cares about the kids, so that if one of the kids misbehaves or hurts one of the other kids, then proper measures are taken. And no harsh punishments for little kids. I think aspies would really suffer because they don't understand the rules and they would get in trouble a lot. I think aspies should have a special school just for them where the adults are specially trained to understand them.
Right now I'm schooled at home and that's the way I like it, but I would like a chance to make friends with other people, especially people like me. When there are a lot of people around me, I feel kind of anxious. I was a vacation bible school last week, which was ok because it was just one week for a couple of hours per day, and there was only a small group of teenage boys who were very nice. I think they were taught to be nice because they go to that church a lot. Some of the kids in the other classes were strangers to the church who just came for the food and the games, and they were more wild. I don't like it when groups of kids act wild and misbehave. When all the classes mixed together, I just stayed near my friends Amanda and Angel and then I was ok.
I was happy to be able to talk to him again, it was good to hear from him. I rarely get to see my friends nowadays, most of them have moved away or I moved away from them.
Some of my friends just moved back here, close by, even though they aren't right next door anymore. I am really happy to see them. I will call them the R family, the mother, father, Amanda, Angel and Michael. Their whole family was friends with my whole family and I'm really glad they're back. Michael is friends with my little brother D and he is really happy that they're back. Amanda is a couple years older than me and Angel is a couple years younger, but they are two of the greatest friends I've ever had. So is Micah, but I don't get to see him anymore. But I consider them all my best friends.
So I'm starting to get back in touch with all my friends again. It's making me very happy. I was really sad when they were gone, the girls especially were the last good ones I had that lived close. Now that they are back, things are going great. I was pretty depressed having all my friends gone, but I'm especially appreciative that they are back.
It's kind of hard for me to make friends because I'm a little bit shy. My mom would not let me go out by myself, and I don't like to do it anyway because the world is not a safe place. I am probably more at risk than regular people because I don't know how to look out for myself. I don't know how to do things like normal people do. I think I'm abnormal a bit. With strangers, I tend to be very formal, I try to be a like an adult. But sometimes I feel like a little kid. I don't know the in between. I feel a little bit weird, but I usually feel happy about who I am. I think I just get depressed because I think there is a lot of grumpiness around me and I don't get to see my friends enough.
I would rather not go to school because I think it is a hell hole. You take a bunch of random people and coop them up in a building for seven hours and that is a set up for something bad to happen. Some schools are ok because they can be different from normal traditional public schools. Any one who has been at one of those regular schools or knows someone who is has heard of something bad happening at a school. A good school would be where the employees are nice and really cares about the kids, so that if one of the kids misbehaves or hurts one of the other kids, then proper measures are taken. And no harsh punishments for little kids. I think aspies would really suffer because they don't understand the rules and they would get in trouble a lot. I think aspies should have a special school just for them where the adults are specially trained to understand them.
Right now I'm schooled at home and that's the way I like it, but I would like a chance to make friends with other people, especially people like me. When there are a lot of people around me, I feel kind of anxious. I was a vacation bible school last week, which was ok because it was just one week for a couple of hours per day, and there was only a small group of teenage boys who were very nice. I think they were taught to be nice because they go to that church a lot. Some of the kids in the other classes were strangers to the church who just came for the food and the games, and they were more wild. I don't like it when groups of kids act wild and misbehave. When all the classes mixed together, I just stayed near my friends Amanda and Angel and then I was ok.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
time out for an OCD reflection
I haven't really talked about my dear daughter here yet, because I meant for this blog to be about asperger's. But I was commenting someone else's post tonight that was partially about the sense of purpose their previously challenging son was getting from enlisting in the army and graduating from basic training, and it really touched me as I related it to my own challenging child, the eldest. When she came to us, she was already a half grown teen, and there was a lot of emotional baggage that came with her. But one set of symptoms was really apparent to me, even though I didn't have a name for it at the time: obsessive compulsive disorder. This is a very serious developmental problem that is often a symptom of aspergers and autism, but lots of other people have it too.
It's been quite a journey learning about it, and knowing now that I am the only person out of five in my house that doesn't have it. If you know anything about it, you know how difficult it can make it to accomplish just the mundane details of everyday living. I'm not going to get into a full on description of it here tonight, but I felt like my dd deserved a tribute for the very big achievement she made recently. This in the face of her very active OCD, which in her case includes crippling agoraphobia (fear to leave the house and/or go out in public), claustrophobia, extreme anxiety disorder with panic attacks, major depression, and a truly absurd condition called trichtilomania (google it if you're interested). And she did it all without benefit of an IEP! We didn't have time. But she did have 504 plan accommodations, which were far from adequate, but I doubt we'd be celebrating now without it. Here was the comment I left on the other post:
This summer I watched my daughter's graduation ceremony from high school. She has horrible agoraphobia (thus I haven't been to church recently), and she could have chosen not to participate in the ceremony if she wanted. Even so, I pretty much held her hand all the way through it until she was up on stage, and there was a school nurse stationed nearby, but I was very proud that she had made the commitment to stand up with her peers and acknowledge what for her is a profound milestone.
But the sense of purpose that you were talking about, it was the first time I had felt that so acutely for her. She had made the original decision to return to being accountable to a school authority (after we adopted her, she home schooled for several years), and even though her curriculum was delivered though cyber technology in our house, it was still a really big deal for her to have to complete state set standards, deal with deadlines set by someone else, and communicate with her teachers and other strangers in the school.
The graduation ceremony was the first time she really met some of her classmates, but there was a lot of satisfaction in watching them all rise as a group and hearing the speaker discuss the expectation of their contribution in the world. You could see on their faces how they felt like they were part of something important.
This is a school that really emphasizes leadership and community service, and it really affected her in such a positive way in terms of helping her develop an avocation for her life. I really have to give all the credit to god for leading us to this school and helping her choose to enroll, plus seeing us through all the ups and downs as she finished the program.
I had been so afraid that she might never even make it this far, and I still have a lot of days when I wonder what the best way is to try to access her potential, but this is one of those situations where I have had to really let go and let god, and try to feel his peace.
Crossroads is definitely a good way to describe our current position, but I just have to keep the faith that he will continue to guide us no matter how apprehensive I might be that our hold on something finally positive is very tenuous.
It's been quite a journey learning about it, and knowing now that I am the only person out of five in my house that doesn't have it. If you know anything about it, you know how difficult it can make it to accomplish just the mundane details of everyday living. I'm not going to get into a full on description of it here tonight, but I felt like my dd deserved a tribute for the very big achievement she made recently. This in the face of her very active OCD, which in her case includes crippling agoraphobia (fear to leave the house and/or go out in public), claustrophobia, extreme anxiety disorder with panic attacks, major depression, and a truly absurd condition called trichtilomania (google it if you're interested). And she did it all without benefit of an IEP! We didn't have time. But she did have 504 plan accommodations, which were far from adequate, but I doubt we'd be celebrating now without it. Here was the comment I left on the other post:
This summer I watched my daughter's graduation ceremony from high school. She has horrible agoraphobia (thus I haven't been to church recently), and she could have chosen not to participate in the ceremony if she wanted. Even so, I pretty much held her hand all the way through it until she was up on stage, and there was a school nurse stationed nearby, but I was very proud that she had made the commitment to stand up with her peers and acknowledge what for her is a profound milestone.
But the sense of purpose that you were talking about, it was the first time I had felt that so acutely for her. She had made the original decision to return to being accountable to a school authority (after we adopted her, she home schooled for several years), and even though her curriculum was delivered though cyber technology in our house, it was still a really big deal for her to have to complete state set standards, deal with deadlines set by someone else, and communicate with her teachers and other strangers in the school.
The graduation ceremony was the first time she really met some of her classmates, but there was a lot of satisfaction in watching them all rise as a group and hearing the speaker discuss the expectation of their contribution in the world. You could see on their faces how they felt like they were part of something important.
This is a school that really emphasizes leadership and community service, and it really affected her in such a positive way in terms of helping her develop an avocation for her life. I really have to give all the credit to god for leading us to this school and helping her choose to enroll, plus seeing us through all the ups and downs as she finished the program.
I had been so afraid that she might never even make it this far, and I still have a lot of days when I wonder what the best way is to try to access her potential, but this is one of those situations where I have had to really let go and let god, and try to feel his peace.
Crossroads is definitely a good way to describe our current position, but I just have to keep the faith that he will continue to guide us no matter how apprehensive I might be that our hold on something finally positive is very tenuous.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
elephant and baby steps
Today, I took two steps with my aspie teen. One caused major anxiety, the other was only minor. Three months ago when T turned 15, I felt a sudden urgency to focus on his future. He suddenly seemed so far from independence compared with his chronology, and the amount of time left before adulthood is quickly shrinking. Truly, I don't want mere independence. T has so many gifts that I feel a deep need to figure out how exactly to tap his potential to share with the outside world.
Part of this is guilt inspired. I have spent so much time on the needs of DD since she's been with us these last six and a half years, and now that she's graduated high school, it seems like it should be his turn for awhile. Anyway, today was our appointment with the gifted education program that is a satellite of T's cyber school. I asked if they could please help me evaluate whether or not their program was a good fit, because I really don't have a good sense of it. If he gets in, and we decide to accept, it will be his first formal schooling outside of the home since he was in pre school.
There is a large push by the Home School Legal Defense Association to try to convince their constituent members that home schooling all the way through high school is a good idea, and that more and more universities and other post high school institutions are starting to turn a favorable eye towards home schooled graduates. This is a faith based organization, and I agree with their philosophy to a point, but know that this is a hard sell. I have noticed in my home school groups a large attrition during the high school years as either parents feel like it's just too difficult or that they need the "easy" accreditation of an established traditional school to pave the way to college admission. I was never concerned about either of those challenges until recently when it became obvious that my son is smarter than me. Or at least more motivated.
I am neither too modest or a braggart. I simply feel that I might not be the best or sole resource to continue T's education. I already took on extra help through the means of a publicly funded cyber school program. But now I think I need even more. There are few educational qualifications or programs for being a stay at home schooling mom, but I felt reasonably capable when I started. My high school gpa was fine, graduated in the top ten percent of my class at a supposedly superior high school (although how great could a public school be in California?), did reasonably well on my college entrance exams, and graduated with just over a B average from a state university in a competitive program. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't rocket science either.
So what's my point? If people in my home school group with high school diplomas could educate their children, why shouldn't I be able to? I mean, I might have been trained to make money instead of teaching, but taking care of my own kids seemed like something I should be able to do alright. I read lots of books on that too, and I had some basic biological instincts. I began home schooling with reasonable confidence, and added resources when I thought I needed to as I went along. I always felt that if I wanted more help, well then my husband, my stepmother, father, brothers and father in law (who are ALL engineers, talk about being the odd one out) could chime in whenever I asked. My mother in law was a school teacher. There are a lot of teachers in my side of the family also; it should be in my genes, right? The longer I kept with it, the more I felt it was a really good idea. Spiritually, it felt really right. It certainly fit his learning style in his younger years. In fact, if you ask him now, he still wishes he could go back to it.
But as soon as I saw that he wasn't developing "evenly," I reconsidered a bit. I didn't feel like it was anything I was doing wrong exactly, it just bothered me that a child so obviously bright was taking a long time to learn to read, and an even longer time to write. Well some of it was my ignorance, though it would have been the same problem with teaching methods at traditional schools. T has a definite learning preference for the right side of the brain, and as soon as I gave up on phonics and let him learn by site reading, he took off like a racecar. He still can't write. But guess what, the traditional curriculum, though delivered by a cyber platform, didn't fix that problem either. So it's definitely not all me, those deficits exist with or without mom's teaching methods. But what to do about them?
And now, what to do about the areas in which he excels? This child has been almost completely self taught in math, all the way up to beginning algebra. Granted many 15 year olds are beyond algebra if they are in gifted programs, but how many of them were self taught? I have lent a guiding hand once in a blue moon, when he gets stuck on something, but a small assist and he is off and running again. He can spend hours everyday drawing in tedious detail, and he DOES spend hours everyday reading. He loves creating stories, and he has spent countless hours teaching himself spanish and german. I still can't play chess, and he picked it up in a couple of hours.
So today he spent three hours testing at the gifted program, and I spent even more than that filling out the paperwork and gathering documents. This was the third time I had been at the physical location of the school, and even though it seems outstanding, I still have absolutely no idea if I'm doing the right thing. I really just don't know. At one point the director of the program who was acting as proctor came out and asked me if T could diagram sentences, because when she asked him to spell a word that she used in a sentence, he asked her if the usage was as a direct object or indirect object. I laughed because I had no idea what he was talking about, and then told her I really didn't know if he ever had diagrammed sentences. I was pretty sure he could pick it up relatively quickly though. I asked T on our drive home if he really needed to know the answer to his question in order to do the spelling test, and he said no, he was just trying to translate the sentence into german in his head.
So I have to do something, that's obvious, he's definitely beyond me, and our financial means (you won't see any private tutors at this house), but WHAT. Lots of prayer will be helpful. If we decide it's a good fit, then there is a huge transportation hurdle to overcome. Prayer will be good for that too. If this program doesn't work out, there are a couple others to shoot for, but who knows if they're right, and if not, we are going to run out of options fast in podunk. I know I need to rely on god for everything, but I just don't always hear what he's saying.
Later this evening, I took T to a vacation bible school program, one of many that abound in this area like wild rabbits, and again, I handed him off to a man in a closed room with several other teenage boys and hoped that bible man wouldn't try an indoctrination that I'm uncomfortable with, because T is a long way from discernment. But he will never develop discernment without positive social experiences with other godly people. I can tell you that the class leader of 3-7 year olds was completely over the head of my 6 year old aspie. I'm glad too, because I believe god should be presented as joy and love, especially at that age. I heard a story full of vengeance and punishment, in a vocabulary meant for much older kids. Then we got to hear all about sin and the blood of jesus. I'm so glad he couldn't possibly have understood it, so the nightmares to which the other kids will most likely be subjected will be avoided at our house.
But beyond my critisms of that particular church, or church member, in addition to developing the boys academic skills, it's really time to step it up spiritually. Despite DD abject terror of the church, it's time to at least go back with the other kids, even if it means we leave her at home. At least the boys seemed to have a really good time a church tonight, it's a small victory. The more I get T out into the world, the more he is going to need to be fortified with the armor of god. He's led kind of a charmed life up until now, though he probably wouldn't see it that way. I know he feels like life has never been as good since we moved from the west coast to the east coast, but that mostly has to do with the arrival of his little brother, and less attention, which would have happened on either coast.
And he needs me too much. He would be happy if I could just be his almost everything, but I can't, and I shouldn't. I need to help him prepare to leave the nest, gently, without crashing and burning. It's always about finding that fine line and walking it. I want him to know the joys of being able to stand on your own two feet, and maybe even a wife and children, if that's possible. Well I know it's possible, but I mean in a positive way instead of a negative. With god all things are possible, if they're meant to be, and I really hope they are.
Part of this is guilt inspired. I have spent so much time on the needs of DD since she's been with us these last six and a half years, and now that she's graduated high school, it seems like it should be his turn for awhile. Anyway, today was our appointment with the gifted education program that is a satellite of T's cyber school. I asked if they could please help me evaluate whether or not their program was a good fit, because I really don't have a good sense of it. If he gets in, and we decide to accept, it will be his first formal schooling outside of the home since he was in pre school.
There is a large push by the Home School Legal Defense Association to try to convince their constituent members that home schooling all the way through high school is a good idea, and that more and more universities and other post high school institutions are starting to turn a favorable eye towards home schooled graduates. This is a faith based organization, and I agree with their philosophy to a point, but know that this is a hard sell. I have noticed in my home school groups a large attrition during the high school years as either parents feel like it's just too difficult or that they need the "easy" accreditation of an established traditional school to pave the way to college admission. I was never concerned about either of those challenges until recently when it became obvious that my son is smarter than me. Or at least more motivated.
I am neither too modest or a braggart. I simply feel that I might not be the best or sole resource to continue T's education. I already took on extra help through the means of a publicly funded cyber school program. But now I think I need even more. There are few educational qualifications or programs for being a stay at home schooling mom, but I felt reasonably capable when I started. My high school gpa was fine, graduated in the top ten percent of my class at a supposedly superior high school (although how great could a public school be in California?), did reasonably well on my college entrance exams, and graduated with just over a B average from a state university in a competitive program. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't rocket science either.
So what's my point? If people in my home school group with high school diplomas could educate their children, why shouldn't I be able to? I mean, I might have been trained to make money instead of teaching, but taking care of my own kids seemed like something I should be able to do alright. I read lots of books on that too, and I had some basic biological instincts. I began home schooling with reasonable confidence, and added resources when I thought I needed to as I went along. I always felt that if I wanted more help, well then my husband, my stepmother, father, brothers and father in law (who are ALL engineers, talk about being the odd one out) could chime in whenever I asked. My mother in law was a school teacher. There are a lot of teachers in my side of the family also; it should be in my genes, right? The longer I kept with it, the more I felt it was a really good idea. Spiritually, it felt really right. It certainly fit his learning style in his younger years. In fact, if you ask him now, he still wishes he could go back to it.
But as soon as I saw that he wasn't developing "evenly," I reconsidered a bit. I didn't feel like it was anything I was doing wrong exactly, it just bothered me that a child so obviously bright was taking a long time to learn to read, and an even longer time to write. Well some of it was my ignorance, though it would have been the same problem with teaching methods at traditional schools. T has a definite learning preference for the right side of the brain, and as soon as I gave up on phonics and let him learn by site reading, he took off like a racecar. He still can't write. But guess what, the traditional curriculum, though delivered by a cyber platform, didn't fix that problem either. So it's definitely not all me, those deficits exist with or without mom's teaching methods. But what to do about them?
And now, what to do about the areas in which he excels? This child has been almost completely self taught in math, all the way up to beginning algebra. Granted many 15 year olds are beyond algebra if they are in gifted programs, but how many of them were self taught? I have lent a guiding hand once in a blue moon, when he gets stuck on something, but a small assist and he is off and running again. He can spend hours everyday drawing in tedious detail, and he DOES spend hours everyday reading. He loves creating stories, and he has spent countless hours teaching himself spanish and german. I still can't play chess, and he picked it up in a couple of hours.
So today he spent three hours testing at the gifted program, and I spent even more than that filling out the paperwork and gathering documents. This was the third time I had been at the physical location of the school, and even though it seems outstanding, I still have absolutely no idea if I'm doing the right thing. I really just don't know. At one point the director of the program who was acting as proctor came out and asked me if T could diagram sentences, because when she asked him to spell a word that she used in a sentence, he asked her if the usage was as a direct object or indirect object. I laughed because I had no idea what he was talking about, and then told her I really didn't know if he ever had diagrammed sentences. I was pretty sure he could pick it up relatively quickly though. I asked T on our drive home if he really needed to know the answer to his question in order to do the spelling test, and he said no, he was just trying to translate the sentence into german in his head.
So I have to do something, that's obvious, he's definitely beyond me, and our financial means (you won't see any private tutors at this house), but WHAT. Lots of prayer will be helpful. If we decide it's a good fit, then there is a huge transportation hurdle to overcome. Prayer will be good for that too. If this program doesn't work out, there are a couple others to shoot for, but who knows if they're right, and if not, we are going to run out of options fast in podunk. I know I need to rely on god for everything, but I just don't always hear what he's saying.
Later this evening, I took T to a vacation bible school program, one of many that abound in this area like wild rabbits, and again, I handed him off to a man in a closed room with several other teenage boys and hoped that bible man wouldn't try an indoctrination that I'm uncomfortable with, because T is a long way from discernment. But he will never develop discernment without positive social experiences with other godly people. I can tell you that the class leader of 3-7 year olds was completely over the head of my 6 year old aspie. I'm glad too, because I believe god should be presented as joy and love, especially at that age. I heard a story full of vengeance and punishment, in a vocabulary meant for much older kids. Then we got to hear all about sin and the blood of jesus. I'm so glad he couldn't possibly have understood it, so the nightmares to which the other kids will most likely be subjected will be avoided at our house.
But beyond my critisms of that particular church, or church member, in addition to developing the boys academic skills, it's really time to step it up spiritually. Despite DD abject terror of the church, it's time to at least go back with the other kids, even if it means we leave her at home. At least the boys seemed to have a really good time a church tonight, it's a small victory. The more I get T out into the world, the more he is going to need to be fortified with the armor of god. He's led kind of a charmed life up until now, though he probably wouldn't see it that way. I know he feels like life has never been as good since we moved from the west coast to the east coast, but that mostly has to do with the arrival of his little brother, and less attention, which would have happened on either coast.
And he needs me too much. He would be happy if I could just be his almost everything, but I can't, and I shouldn't. I need to help him prepare to leave the nest, gently, without crashing and burning. It's always about finding that fine line and walking it. I want him to know the joys of being able to stand on your own two feet, and maybe even a wife and children, if that's possible. Well I know it's possible, but I mean in a positive way instead of a negative. With god all things are possible, if they're meant to be, and I really hope they are.
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