I rant in all my posts, but this time on purpose

I am ticked off tonight. As a newbie, I have been trying to learn about the process so that I can blog with the proper etiquette, and I have to say that my personality doesn't fit in very well with the category of my blog which I've come to find out is called "mommyblogging." Whatever. Not too incredibly insulting. There's nothing this society needs more than another label that marginalizes motherhood. We do that just fine without a new label. I have been reading a lot of other blogs in order to figure out how to improve my own, but I just can't seem to give a dang about some soccer mom's snit over how the coach doesn't model sportmanship appropriately for the little minds he's molding. It's all I can do not to use four letter words when I speak or write, I can't work up a sweat about the minor imperfections of your comfortable middle class existence. Not that I don't totally envy your comfortable middle class existence, my hypocrisy is thoroughly consistent. Well it's their blog, they can write whatever they want.

But freedom of speech is getting on my damn nerves. I am so sick of reading about how wrong I am to presume that vaccines have no link with autism. Somebody even had the gall to tell me to my face that I must be wrong when I told them that my son was pretty ok before he had vaccines, and that he had a pretty bad reaction after his shots complete with a quick descent down the spectrum. In fact, this is a common story among parents of children with autism. And even though we all gave our children vaccines on a slightly different schedule, we must ALL BE WRONG, because scientific studies say so. The fact that my son didn't have a diagnosis of autism until well after his fifth birthday when he had a sudden onset of symptoms right after an overload of shots during his "well" check up, I guess that means nothing.

It doesn't come up in conversation very often, but I have had mononucleosis THREE times. Complete with lab tests to prove it. Whenever I have to see a new doctor, and they ask for medical history, I almost hate to tell them, because I already know that my credibility with them is going to take a nose dive. Do you know how many of them have told me it's impossible to get mono more than once? So I guess I'm lying. I guess there's no way that the previously held belief could be faulty, it must be ME. Next you can tell me that there's no such thing as chronic fatigue immune deficiency syndrome. Maybe you could follow that up with a comment on how we shouldn't worry about AIDS spreading to epidemic proportions. And all of us parents who have given our children vaccinations, who thought it would be a good thing, who held no previous prejudice against the danger of vaccines, and then watched our children react and then deteriorate immediately after, I guess it must just be a mass hallucination.

There couldn't possibly be an error in the testing process. I'm sure the fact that there is very little incentive for someone to make that discovery has nothing to do with the fact that it hasn't been found. I don't doubt that it's difficult to establish the mechanism by which vaccines lead to exacerbated symptoms of autism. I'm sure it's a very circuitous path. And I'm sure it isn't the only catalyst in our environment with that capability. But don't tell me that there aren't major forces with a deep interest in making sure that path is never discovered. I guess I'm just supposed to overlook the fact that government agencies, pharmaceutical companies, and pediatricians are all collaborating to convince us to vaccinate and making huge profits from the vaccination process. I was just sitting here trying to think who has a better funded lobby than the pharmaceutical companies. Maybe munitions companies, I don't know. But no one can tell me that they don't have an enormous vested interest in making sure that no scientific connection is ever made between vaccinations and autism.

Hey, guess what, I forgive you. I don't want your frigging money, I just want to know the best way to help my son, thank you. I will go on record here and thank Dr. Michael Goldberg in Tarzana and his not incredibly difficult or expensive protocol for not only stopping a downward spiral but for bringing my son back from the depths of illness. Thank god he decided to treat children as though they've had a major attack on their neuro immune system, and didn't bother to try to convince me that it didn't happen. And guess what? He still believes in vaccinating the kids in his practice, but he actually cares for the ones who have reactions. I am not telling or advocating for anyone NOT to vaccinate their kids, but STOP telling me that what I witnessed with my own two eyes must not be true. I don't wish disability on their kids, but I sure wish they would stop trying to assure me that I must be wrong about mine just because their kids didn't get autism after their vaccines. Yes, I know, some kids have autism that has nothing to do with vaccines. Next they will tell me that cigarettes don't cause lung cancer, because their grandpa smoked his whole life and he never got lung cancer. And someone else had lung cancer that never smoked. But cigarettes still cause lung cancer whether or not someone says they don't.

And what is this politically correct crap about not trying to cure autism? Does anybody really think the kids wouldn't want to get rid of the challenges that they have if they could? If anybody ever came up with a cure for Down Sydrome, is it really unlikely that the parents of those kids wouldn't want to use it? Ok, we are talking about a chromosonal problem in the case of Down Syndrome, and I don't think we are going to see a cure in my lifetime. But there are many organic brain dysfunctions and head injuries for which huge improvements are possible if not cures, and for pete's sake, why not try them? If you're not suffering, fine, don't do it, but let the ones who are suffering try for the cure with your support. Don't try to convince them that they should just be proud of being differently abled. I'm proud of my son everyday, but I would give him any treatment in a New York minute that I thought would help his life not be quite so difficult.

I had a mini stroke last year, and I have been working my butt off to return my level of functioning to the same state before that day, I consider it my OBLIGATION. And it's something I fervently desire. No, there is no shame in disability, but why wouldn't I want to reach my maximum potential if at all possible? Chronic fatigue, AIDS, and autism are only some of the disabilities reaching epidemic proportions. If we keep it coming, pretty soon we will have one person working and paying taxes for every school age child combined with the population of persons receiving social security or public assistance. How can our economy possible sustain that formula even if we want to?

Ok, I need to step down for awhile and cool off. But before I do, here are three of my favorite books which are relevant to tonight's post. I didn't create my blog to market books, but these were really interesting and helpful.


And the Band Played On: Politics, People, and the AIDS Epidemic, by Randy Shilts

Osler's web: Inside the labyrinth of the chronic fatigue syndrome epidemic, by Hillary Johnson

Unraveling the Mystery of Autism and Pervasive Developmental Disorder: A Mother's Story of Research and Recovery, by Karyn Seroussi