is it a serious illness?

It starts out the same. I want to lie down and get under a blanket, only getting up to use the bathroom. The next day, I throw up. Then fever, then body aches. Usually a very stiff neck. It's hard to find a position where I'm comfortable. Sometimes I get headaches. Now that it's happened like four times, I feel like "here it comes."

Usually I figure it's going to go away. I don't want to see a doctor. I don't want to talk to anybody. One time it turned into appendicitis, and that was hell. I had to go to a god awful hospital, but I'm glad I didn't die. Getting sick is no fun at all. I wish it didn't happen so easily. I hate it when it stops me from doing the things I like to do, like surfing the internet and reading my language books.

I am obsessed with learning languages. I think it's part of my asperger's. I just think it's fun, like a new game. I like learning new ways for expressing ideas. Learning new languages gives me a new perspective. I'm really good at learning new languages. When I start learning, I usually start with learning the pronouns and then the verb conjugations. Once I’ve done that, I start learning the other parts of speech. After I’ve learned the basics of the language’s grammar, I just focus on learning new vocabulary words and practice using them in sentences. Afterwards, I just keep going until I've become really good at it. Then, when I've learned enough, I start listening to music in the language I've learned, watching movies in the language and reading books in the language.

Autism for me means being a little fussier, thinking a little differently. I assume people who have minds that don't have autism have an easier time explaining their thinking. My life seems normal to me. But I think other people have lives that are very different. School is a struggle for me. I feel like I need special care taken of me that other people don't need. I am very literal. I have a hard describing things with words. Sometimes I see images, but mostly I just feel a certain way and I can't put it into words. Some people think autism is a serious illness, but for me it's just being different. I would rather be autistic than be really sick or have cancer or be blind or deaf or mute. Actually if I was mute, than no one would expect me to talk. I'm bad at talking. It's awkward. It's kind of ironic, because I love to learn languages. Learning more languages makes me feel less isolated from a lot of things in the world. I think it will open doors for me.

I feel weird. I would like not to be autistic if I had the choice, I think I would be much more comfortable in the world. I get stressed out to easily. I am too anxious. I would be worried about taking medicine for anxiety though, because addicts have terrible lives. I would be afraid that I would be addicted if I took drugs. It's just best to stay away from them. Maybe there will be another kind of cure someday.